August 2026

2026-08-31T07:46:35-07:00Categories: arts, brain, Creative, creative aging, dementia, family, featured posts, nature, politics, travel, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , |

One of my mother’s final paintings, before Alzheimer’s put away her palette and brushes for good, was this lightning-bright landscape. You might think, looking at this picture, that she lived in an old-growth forest. She did not. She lived in Madrona, an old Seattle neighborhood where stately Tudor and Queen Anne homes mix closely, sometimes just a few feet apart, with modest mid-century houses like hers. The best thing about her home was its stunning view: Mt. Rainier to the south, all of the middle Cascade Mountains to the east, and Lake Washington glittering in the foreground. This is one of the few landscapes she painted that stepped beyond reality, putting a forest in the place of rooftops and lighting up the eastern sky with a sunrise that appears to be bursting forth from the heart of a blazing forest fire. She probably painted this in the mid-1990s, before smoke and fire became regular summer visitors to the always-green—or so we thought—Pacific Northwest. Now, in 2026, this painting looks to me like August personified. No muted grays, no misty rain; it is a fiery sky reflected in a dark-edged lake fringed with a forest that is starting to burn.  Oh August. You are the month that used to be the sparkling standout of the Pacific Northwest. Now, you’re like an aging beauty who is becoming ever more fragile. We don’t want you to go. We could easily have said goodbye to November or March. But August? We grieve. And not just for our own idyllic corner [...]

Hope is a Choice

2026-06-23T09:33:02-07:00Categories: featured posts, feminism, film, politics, Seattle, Uncategorized, women's rights|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

“Hope is a choice,” Michelle Obama reminded us last week, at the grand opening of the Obama Presidential Center in Chicago. “Whether or not we use our voices to speak up is a choice. Voting is a choice. Being a decent human being is a choice. Believing that we still hold the power to build a country that reflects us all is a choice.” I am so ready to choose hope. I am so tired of despair and dismay and disgust. If Michelle Obama is offering up hope, I’m all in. Watching her speech, and her husband’s, felt like going home after a very long time away. It felt like feeling better after a miserable flu. It also felt like a happy dream, from which I knew I would be required to wake up and return to reality. But Michelle Obama gave me a parting gift, and she reminded me that I had to choose to accept it: hope. It’s a choice. And it’s not magic: we have to choose to do the work that our hope inspires. Earlier in June, I heard a differently delivered but equally welcome message of hope from another eloquent woman. This one I got to receive in person. "Not only are we going to win, we’re going to win BIG,” said Nancy Pelosi on a big-showers-with-big-sun-breaks Saturday afternoon at Fremont Studios in Seattle. Pelosi’s voice was firm. She waved her arms emphatically. This was not a guess, it was a declaration. Doubt was not allowed. “And the Senate is a [...]

Wow!

2026-05-27T15:20:29-07:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, memoir, reading, travel, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It’s been almost forty years since my husband and I spent an entire month driving around Australia in a yellow station wagon with two British friends. But I can still hear them teasing us about how often we used the same three-letter word, over and over and over.  “Wow!” they would say. “You Americans just can’t stop saying Wow, can you?” They were right. Rustin and I overused Wow like crazy on that trip and on every other trip we’ve ever taken. It’s just so handy. It says so much, depending on how you say it. And it’s always right there, ready to launch, without all that rummaging around in your brain for a more creative alternative. And now I know that we English speakers have been saying “Wow!” for more than five hundred years. Wow. Right? I mean, just, WOW. It was an ESL teacher who casually mentioned this fact to me. I volunteer in her classroom, and I can’t remember who said "Wow!" during class that day. It might have been me. It might have been a reaction to how hard the spelling test words were. Fantasy, reality, and comedy were on the list. Maybe one of the students nailed one of those words on the first try, which would have definitely deserved a good loud Wow. When I got home, I looked up Wow in the online version of the Oxford English Dictionary (free with your library card). Sure enough, the OED identifies the earliest written use of the word in 1513, in a [...]

Creative Bones

2026-02-26T06:00:05-08:00Categories: arts, Creative, creative aging, featured posts, memoir, midlife, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

Acropolis Museum, 2025 “I don’t have a creative bone in my body,” a friend declared recently. Really? Not one? I thought, but didn’t say. Or believe. This was a person who had founded an educational nonprofit because she saw a need and could imagine a way to fill it. To me, that’s pretty creative. But she is also the sister of two musicians. And so she thinks of herself as the one who was born without creative bones. Are musicians, dancers, painters, poets, sculptors, singers, filmmakers, fashion designers, animators, actors, artists and writers of any and every medium the only true creatives? And must their commitment to creativity last from cradle to grave? What about the late bloomers?  It is February, and there is exactly one neon-pink bloom on the Christmas cactus plant in my office. All the other blooms on this decades-old plant got together and put on a tightly choreographed show two months ago: their best in years, right on cue, in mid-December. But not this February outlier. She waited until she had the stage all to herself. Every morning, for the first six weeks of 2026, as I drank coffee, read, wrote and watched the sun rise one minute earlier each day, I kept my eye on the maverick cactus blossom as she grew from a tiny speck at the end of a leaf to a full-throated, hot-pink prima donna. Why did she wait? Why wasn’t she part of the prime-time holiday show? Why do any of us wait? There are [...]

Waking up Grateful

2025-11-24T14:29:53-08:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, film, nature, politics, reading, Seattle, Uncategorized, urban life, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Gray gets old, say the skies of this particular November. Sometimes you’ve just got to splash the sunrise with a bright band of orange and let it melt into a wash of peach and pink. Sometimes you’ve got to just drop everything and put on a show. Which suits my mood because lately, I have been waking up feeling grateful. Big G, little g, every kind of grateful. Why now? In this month, in this city, where the days are getting shorter and darker so rapidly it’s hard to keep up? And yet here I am, bathed in gratitude. For so many things. Here are a few:  The tiny, barely-pink-yet buds on my ancient Christmas cactus, which never ever used to bloom, because I neglected it for about three decades, until one day, about a year ago, when I decided to treat it with the respect it deserved, being so old and still inexplicably alive.  The Cooper’s Hawk who perched on a branch right outside my window for a good long stare-down. He was curling and uncurling his claws. Unsure whether to stay or go. It was like we were having a phone conversation with our eyes, instead of just dashing off a good-morning text. I didn't dare unlock eyes and reach for my camera. This happened days ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Those eyes! All the leaves, gold and orange and red and now mostly gone from our block, but still lighting up the dark spots in the parks and woods. I’ve [...]

Emotional Cardio

2025-09-22T06:12:31-07:00Categories: arts, brain, Creative, creative aging, dementia, family, featured posts, journalism, memoir, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , |

“Some stories punch you right in the gut, then hand you a tissue and say, good luck, kid. That’s what Her Beautiful Brain feels like,” began the email that landed in my inbox as my husband and I were making dinner. The writer of the email went on to summarize Her Beautiful Brain, my memoir which was published eleven years ago, using lavish phrases like, “the way you weave copper mines, Seattle classrooms, Haiti, and a geropsychiatric ward into one narrative… that’s not just writing, that’s emotional cardio.” (Heart emoji, bicep emoji). Is that a compliment? I think so. And what writer doesn’t enjoy receiving compliments from a stranger on a random Thursday evening after a long day? What writer isn’t touched to learn that her book is still reaching people, more than a decade after its publication date? However. A human person did not write this email. AI wrote this email. And I happened to receive it exactly four days after my publisher alerted her authors that many of us may be eligible to join the class-action lawsuit against Anthropic, one of the AI companies that allegedly pirated hundreds of thousands of books to train its large language model (LLM). A $1.5 billion dollar settlement had just been reached. We might all receive a payout of about three thousand dollars. She sent us a link, so we could confirm whether our books were pirated by LibGen (Library Genesis), the source allegedly used by Anthropic. Her Beautiful Brain popped right up. There were other parameters: published [...]

AFOG

2025-07-31T08:30:09-07:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, hiking, human rights, nature, politics, Uncategorized|

One summer night in 2017, I remember standing in our small neighborhood park, talking to a neighbor. We were both on crutches. I’d had foot surgery; she had a broken ankle. Her husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. His prognosis was not good. Meanwhile, we had a new president.        “Well, you know what they say,” she said to me. “Just another AFOG.”  “AFOG?”  “Oh, you don’t know? AFOG: Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth.”  Growth. News flash: we don’t just get old. We grow old. And growth is not painless. “Getting old” is something that just… happens. Such as fading. Or rusting. Or wrinkling. “Growth” takes work. Like a seed pushing a shoot upward towards the light on the other side of the soil. Like the shoot inching its way, for decades, towards becoming a tree. Like a broken bone, healing far more slowly when you’re sixty-something than when you’re six. AFOG. My husband and I started the month of June at a campground on the waterfall-laden Lewis River, southeast of Mt. St. Helens in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest. A century ago, after the brutal Yacolt fires of 1902, the land that became our campground was likely nothing but a ghostly stand of charred timber. Now, the second growth trees are so tall it’s hard to believe they haven’t been standing for hundreds of years. We started the month of July backpacking on the Hoh River trail in the heart of the Olympic National Park, where there are trees of all ages, from [...]

Go Small

2025-03-24T10:00:58-07:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, human rights, immigration, journalism, politics, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

Last week was another punching-bag week, wasn’t it? Maybe you felt like the punching bag, and all you wanted was for the punches, aka the big ugly news alerts, to stop. Or maybe you needed to go find an actual punching bag and start punching. Or maybe it was the small stuff—your phone froze, the light rail was delayed, a muscle ache popped up somewhere you didn’t even know there was a muscle—all of which you could normally handle, if you hadn’t just been hit with another outrageous announcement from the White House. Or maybe, as happened in my neighborhood one morning, you heard gunshots that were way too loud, aka way too close for comfort, though no one was injured, thank God; probably it was somebody wanting to scare somebody else, without thinking about the kids out waiting for school buses. My first instinct, as always, was to want to move, immediately. To another neighborhood. Or Canada. But it’s been four days now, and I’ve calmed down. Sort of. This is not just the usual gun-loving America, it’s Trump’s America: the guns aren’t going anywhere. And unfortunately, neither is Trump. And it seems he still has a long way to go on his punch list, as builders like to call their project to-do list, though in his case it’s a punch list for un-building. Dismantling. Destroying. What can one person do? I keep asking myself. Very little, it seems. Very little. But little is not nothing. If we all keep doing whatever very little things [...]

Look Up

2025-03-22T15:39:04-07:00Categories: family, featured posts, nature, politics, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , |

(Glacier Peak) Feeling lousy? Look up. Literally. Preferably at the sky. But it works indoors, too, especially if you’ve been frozen in a head-down position looking at your phone or tablet, taking in the news. Set the device down. Look out the window. Look at a picture on your wall—ideally at eye level or higher—of someplace or someone or some bit of art that you love. Can you feel your mood change?  I remember hearing about the power of looking up from my brother-in-law, who is a high school teacher. This was several years ago (maybe he or one of his colleagues had come across this 2016 article in Psychology Today by research psychologist Colin Ellard), and I am always grateful when I remember this little trick, because it works. And we are going to need every little trick we can think of for the next four years.  A few weeks ago, my good friend Anne (with an E, unlike me) had eye surgery to repair a hole in her macula. I stayed with her for the first few days, as she got acclimated to the strict rules she had to follow for five full days after the surgery. The most important part of this regime was to keep her head in a downward-facing position for 50 out of every 60 waking minutes. She rented a massage table and a massage chair. The chair turned out to be more comfortable. But even when she got up for those few allowed minutes per hour, she [...]

When in Rome

2024-12-11T07:38:17-08:00Categories: arts, featured posts, midlife, politics, travel, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , |

Do as the Romans do. Walk miles every day over the black cobblestones, over the layers of history hidden beneath them. Eat pizza and pasta and gelati. Drink espresso and wine and big blowsy Aperol spritzes. While you’re sipping, listen to your husband read to you about Caravaggio, whose studio was a stone’s throw from where you’re sitting. When in Rome, do not tear your hair and rend your clothing over the American election. Has a single Italian person asked you about it? No, not a one. Is the sun bathing the white ramparts of the Vittorio Emmanuel II monument? Yes, it is. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Look up that sentence, and you’ll find that it’s an expression that dates from the fourth century AD. And what a useful one it is, especially when you’re actually in Rome, as Rustin and I were, two weeks after the November election.  When we were planning this trip, we had dared to hope that we’d be in a celebratory state of mind. Al contrario. As we dragged our roller-bags to the light rail station, at 4:45 on a Tuesday morning exactly two weeks after Election Day, I felt like we were fleeing the scene of a massive explosion: deafened, bruised, glass and debris still embedded in our skin and hair; all we wanted was to get away from the smoke and sludge. I felt like I ought to feel guilty, because surely we should’ve been pitching in, getting people to safety, not flying off to [...]

For the People

2024-08-25T14:56:40-07:00Categories: featured posts, featured posts, politics, women's rights|Tags: , , , , , |

I bought an American flag yesterday. It cost $1.29 plus tax. It is the first American flag I have ever purchased. It was my husband’s idea, since I was out and about and near the kind of hardware store where they might sell flags. I think he thought I’d come home with a larger one, but the next size up was three feet by five feet, and I wasn’t quite ready for one that big, this being my first flag ever. But give me a few days. Because that’s how life is right now: I am feeling more patriotic by the hour. And I know I'm not alone. For millions of Americans, last week was just one big patriotic crescendo. It’s as if all the language of patriotism—especially that one word, freedom—and all the symbolism—especially the flag—and all the music, especially the national anthem—have been released from some kind of nefarious captivity and returned to us. To the people.  It’s as if, on Night One of the Democratic National Convention, Hillary Clinton’s rhetorical transformation of the glass ceiling into a filigree of cracks through which we can see the sunlight of freedom ahead set the scene for the week, and allowed the light to just keep pouring in, via Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Shawn Fain, Steve Kerry, the dazzling Obamas, Oprah, Tim Walz, Doug Emhoff, and dozens and dozens of others. And the signs. And the balloons. And the roll call. And the great-nieces, teaching the world to say “Comma-La.”   And Kamala herself. She was radiant. She was [...]

Doing the Hard Thing

2024-06-30T16:47:47-07:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, featured posts, politics|Tags: , , , , |

One minute you’re hanging by your knees from your neighbors’ swing set, and the next minute you’re on the ground and your arm is hurting a whole lot more than your average bumped elbow or skinned knee. “Better go home and show your mom,” the neighbor kids tell you, so you do, and her answer, which is not surprising to you, is, “I’m sure it will feel all better in the morning.” But it doesn’t. And it doesn’t feel better the next morning either, or the morning after that. So your mom finally takes you to the doctor and he says you’ve got a fractured wrist. Just a hairline fracture, he calls it, as he washes up and starts wrapping your arm like he’s doing a papier maché project at school. You feel pretty special, until he tells you the bad news: no swimming for six weeks. Six weeks?! Is he kidding? No, apparently not. Doesn’t he know it’s summertime, and you may be only seven, but you’re on the swim team? Yes, he does know it’s summertime, and he commends you for being on the team. But, he says, this is what you have to do when you’ve got a broken wrist. Fast forward sixty years, and you’re on the storied Spider Meadow Trail in the Glacier Peak Wilderness, with a pack on your back. You’re feeling pretty good, because the hike up went well, you and your husband spent a lovely June night in the meadow, watching the long light fade over the mountains, [...]

Hard Times in Babylon

2024-04-03T15:45:39-07:00Categories: creative aging, family, featured posts, journalism, memoir, Seattle, writing|Tags: , , , , , |

Bangladesh, 1987. A few months after the Haiti trip. Photo by Hilda Bryant. Thirty-seven years ago, I said yes to this guy. It was April Fool’s Day, but he wasn’t kidding, and neither was I. We were in Haiti at the time, on assignment for the TV station where we both worked, full of hope for our shared future and for Haiti’s too: Haitians had just held their first free elections in the republic’s history. Such hope seems quaint in 2024. Haiti is at the mercy of violent gangs; dreams of any future that resembles democracy are currently barely plausible. And democracy is being tested and threatened and tested again here too. Right here in these United States, in ways we could not have imagined. Just as we could not have imagined, 30-plus years ago, that we would someday be engulfed by a worldwide pandemic. That more than seven million people would die (1.2 million in the U.S.), and countless others be permanently affected by their run-in with the microscopic virus. Who wants to dwell on any of this? Or read about it? Let alone write about it? Turns out that guy I said yes to wanted to dwell on it, to observe it, and to write about it. Turns out writing a novel, starring real people not unlike ourselves, made the most sense to him. There would be plenty of scholars and epidemiologists who could weigh in on the pandemic from their positions of expertise. There would be plenty of famous and glamorous [...]

The Poets and the Helpers

2024-01-26T07:43:43-08:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, featured posts, nature, politics|Tags: , , |

We were practicing small talk. “What is your favorite season?” was one of the questions on our worksheet. When the teacher asked me—her once-a-week classroom helper—what I  wanted to say was “all the seasons, every one of them,” but for the sake of demonstrating to English language learners how small talk typically goes, I said “Summer.” And smiled. And on this cold, gray January morning, everyone in the classroom sighed, because just by saying the word out loud—summer­­—I had brought summer into all of our minds for about one second. I felt like a poet, who had just recited a one-word poem. Short though it was, it needed no other words. I felt like a helper, who had just taken a classroom of refugees, exhausted by the daunting task of learning English, on a one-second vacation. As we plunge into this fraught year, I’ve been thinking about Mr. Rogers’ oft-quoted advice—“Look for the helpers”—and pondering why this simple phrase has had such a comforting, calming effect on so many millions of people, myself included. I came across a 2018 essay in the Atlantic by Ian Bogost in which he chastised adults like myself who have clung naïvely to this advice intended for children. “Ironically,” Bogost wrote, “when adults cite ‘Look for the helpers,’ they are saying something tragic, not hopeful: Grown-ups now feel so disenfranchised that they implicitly self-identify as young children.” But I disagree. Adults understand nuance. We know the helpers can’t make everything better. But we also understand that it is essential to know they [...]

Still

2023-09-25T07:35:20-07:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, memoir, Seattle, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , |

   The nectarine blush of evening on Mt. Rainier still makes me shake my head in wonder. A stroll through the Pike Place Market still cheers me up, no matter how crowded it is, because the presence of lots of happy tourists means our city’s beloved market is still thriving. The Chinook salmon are still thronging up the ladder at the Ballard Locks, a fact I’m happy to report after my first visit in about twenty years. And I’m still a fan of the word still. Some people think it’s a negative word, that it implies that the opposite is more likely. Still running, at your age? Good for you!  But more often, for me, it’s a word that connotes a moment of savoring. Marveling. At something that happens night after night (sunset glow on Rainier) and is still worth stopping to take in. At something that is still true (the Market is a mood-lifter) no matter how much downtown Seattle has changed, or I have changed, since my last meander through the stalls.  At something that brilliant engineers built long ago (the fish ladder at the Locks), that is still getting salmon back to their streams to spawn. Salmon know the power of home. And so do we. This year, I feel like my connection to my hometown—Seattle—is not just still strong, it’s stronger. Maybe because I’ve been doing a bit of roots research and learning fun facts such as this one: Turns out my Norwegian great-grandfather lived out his final decade or two in [...]

Uncanny

2023-08-25T07:59:26-07:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, hiking, nature, reading, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , |

I have never written a ghost story. I’ve never wanted to write a ghost story. So what uncanny wind was it that blew through my brain and compelled me to sign up for a week-long workshop titled “The Ghost Story: A Guide to Writing Compelling Prose?” Baker City, Oregon It all began on a slushy March evening in Enterprise, Oregon. My husband and I were just beginning a two-week road trip, meandering our way through places where he could film small-town cinemas of the West for a documentary project. We were off to a wintry start, on this first day of Spring, here at the edge of the Wallowa Mountains. I’d spotted a poster for a talk that evening hosted by Fishtrap, a nonprofit known for its annual Summer Gathering of Writers at nearby Wallowa Lake. Why not go, on this chilly night? The speaker was Molly Gloss, author of The Jump-off Creek, The Hearts of Horses, and other books and stories about women in the homestead-era West. Her knowledge of writing about and by western women is wide and deep. I scribbled notes like “...the real and changing West of Model-T Fords, movies and Prohibition” and “...the shadow of violence.” That night, I began reading The Jump-off Creek, a book steeped in cold hard daily life on a hardscrabble farm. No ghosts in sight. By the time we left Enterprise, I knew what I wanted to do: I wanted to go to the Fishtrap Summer Gathering and meet other western writers and get [...]

Soft Target

2023-05-08T15:56:46-07:00Categories: featured posts, featured posts, gun control, nature|Tags: , , , , , |

Soft target. Am I a soft target? Are you? And what exactly is a soft target, as opposed to a hard target? Does a soft target mean someone who is not carrying a gun? Does it mean someone who is not wearing body armor? Does “soft” mean expendable? And what does “hard” mean? Does “hard” mean Important? Must be Defended? One recent morning, after the latest somber news, I listened to the band Cowboy Nation’s mournful rendition of “Shenandoah.” I had always thought the song was about a traveler making his way west, across the wide Missouri, as he pined for the river valley he left behind in Virginia. But no: turns out he may have been pining for the daughter of Shenandoah, the great Oneida Chief. Legend has it the Shenandoah River was named in honor of Chief Shenandoah by George Washington, in gratitude for the support of Shenandoah and his hundreds of warriors who fought alongside Washington’s troops on the frontier and who sent corn to the starving Colonial soldiers during the brutal winter at Valley Forge. “Shenandoah” was a song that went down the Missouri and the Mississippi and around the world in the 19th Century, sung by voyageurs and river boatmen and ocean-going sailors from the South Pacific to Scotland, but known to all as an American tune, a story of American-style craving and longing. Away, we’re bound away. We crave adventure. But we long, we pine, for home and family. And safety. It’s the American dream, right? Or more accurately, the [...]

English Class

2023-03-19T16:22:12-07:00Categories: education, featured posts, immigration, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

One recent Tuesday morning, I held up two laminated photos: one of hot dogs, drizzled artfully with mustard and catsup; the other of pepperoni pizza. “Which do you like better?” I asked C, a new student from Eritrea, who is learning English at a galloping pace. “Hot dogs, or pizza?” We were practicing phrases like, “I prefer hot dogs,” and “I like pizza more than hot dogs.” C pointed at the hot dog. “What?” he said. “Hot? Dog?” He sounded the words out slowly. Incredulously. And then he started laughing. I nodded. “Yes. Hot. Dog. It’s a… a sausage. In a bun.” C laughed even louder. “Hot dog? Dog?” He made a barking noise. “Yes.” I laughed too. “That is the word. Dog.” Now C looked horrified, and I realized why. “But it is not the meat of a dog!” I shook my head vigorously. “Not dog! It is beef, or pork. Cow or pig.” I turned to M, an even newer student from Ukraine. “M, do you have hot dogs in Ukraine?” I asked. “Yes,” M said. “Hot dogs. In my country. We say—hot dogs.” He smiled, for the first time that morning. It was his second day in class. C burst out laughing again. He could not get over it. What next, in this nutty country? M and I started laughing too. So did the other students. A week has passed, and I keep thinking about that moment. All I have to do is say to myself, hot dog, and I smile. I don’t [...]

Sixty-six

2023-02-14T16:33:28-08:00Categories: brain, creative aging, dementia, featured posts, health & medicine, memoir, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , |

“Good evening,” said a silver-haired woman in creamy linen, as she floated past me with her dapper husband towards the veranda of the El Mirador restaurant. They had a dinner reservation; several waiters hurried to greet and seat them. Another waiter, just as gracious, seated my husband and me with the slightly reduced amount of pomp accorded to the drinks-only crowd. But every table at El Mirador was positioned to take in the show: sunset over the Pacific Ocean, high above the curvaceous Baja coast, backed by a chorus line of frilly clouds and kicked off by a surprise opening act: one  spouting whale. We sipped our drinks and savored our appetizer, a burrata and roasted tomato mélange almost too pretty to eat. We snapped photos, along with everyone else, and marveled that this elegant place existed, at the end of a dusty, bumpy, unpaved road. Sunset. How we humans love it! The young woman in satin pants and an off-the-shoulder, pink maribou sweater, the mom in shorts with a wiggly seven-year-old, the glamorous  older couple, the table full of young men who looked like they might’ve flown in that day from Silicon Valley. We gasp at the sun’s grand finale, we toast it, we take photos and then sigh that they don’t do it justice. And yet: if our lives were a day, sunset is not where we would choose to be. And yet: wouldn’t you rather dwell in the sunset, than go right from noon to midnight? Am I really embarking on “an old [...]

Fallow

2022-09-02T12:03:58-07:00Categories: brain, creative aging, featured posts, memoir, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

The trick, we both knew, was not to think too hard. My husband and I dropped our towels. We ran right in, like five-year-olds, and dunked under the waves, like clumsy grownups. We stumbled out, wet and cold and laughing.  One plunge was enough. This was the Washington coast, out where the Pacific Ocean rolls in all the way from Japan and smashes the sand so hard an intact seashell is hard to find, where the snowy rivers of the Olympic Mountains pour right into the surf. One plunge was enough to make me feel—newborn. Like the ocean had just washed away all the bullshit I’d allowed to build up in my mind and body and self and soul over the past two and a half years. All the piling on of the world’s problems, the ones none of us can solve though we know we have to try because some progress is better than none. All the sorrows, universal and personal, that Covid has brought. And, for me, all the anguish of feeling frozen, as a writer, after I hit pause on the Book That Apparently Wasn’t Working and then realized I hadn’t hoarded quite enough confidence to get going on my next project. We plunged into the ocean again the next day. Later that week, my daughter and I took a plunge in the coldest part of Hood Canal. Since we got back to Seattle, I’ve gone swimming six times. Every time, I relive that baptismal moment on the Washington coast. Every time, I feel [...]

You Who Know

2022-05-17T17:05:32-07:00Categories: arts, creative aging, family, featured posts, feminism, health & medicine, human rights, parenting, Seattle, women's rights|Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Who knew that one of the central themes of Mozart’s The Marriage of Figaro is droit du seigneur, the feudal “lord’s right” granting the lord of a medieval European manor “sexual relations with servant brides on their wedding night?” Since I am a kindergarten-level opera fan, I am grateful to Seattle Opera General Director Christina Scheppelmann for stating it so clearly in her program notes. Because who knew I’d be watching The Marriage of Figaro—the first performance I’ve seen in Seattle’s McCaw Hall since before the pandemic—just days after the leaking of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito’s medieval memo detailing his lordly belief in a woman’s lack of rights over her own body? On the morning of Mother’s Day, I googled “senior rush tickets Seattle Opera.” Yes, the Opera’s rush ticket program was alive and well and yes, I now qualified! So off I went to McCaw Hall, where I bought my ticket at 12:30, which gave me plenty of time for a long walk. The sun was out at last, and the lovingly tended gardens of nearby Queen Anne Hill sparkled as they shook off the rain. By 2 p.m. I was back at McCaw, happily settled in my seat in Row P on the main floor, just off the aisle. Forty-five dollars felt like both a splurge—so self-indulgent!—and a bargain: only $45 for such a fabulous seat! And what a delightful, self-indulgent bargain of a splurge it was. To hear and see, in person, in all the immersive, sensory beauty that the word “live” [...]

About Ecstasy

2022-03-30T14:20:36-07:00Categories: featured posts|Tags: |

I-90 Tunnel, Seattle “You have to love the writing process,” people say, and that is true. But what has always made me chafe against that statement is the implication that the process should be enough. Having readers, being published—those goals should be secondary, or perhaps not goals at all. I do want readers. I do want to share what I write with the world. Just as songwriters want their songs to be heard. And painters want their paintings to be seen. And fashion designers want their clothes to be worn. And designers of canoes and skis and chairs want to see people paddling and skiing and sitting. It’s the sharing of what you made with other humans—which is both terrifying, at first, but also wonderful—that completes the terror and wonder of the actual process of creating. I-90 tunnel, Seattle However. Sometimes what you thought was ready to be shared turns out not to be. And that, I have come to believe, is the case with my second memoir, After Ecstasy. It’s a book about faith and doubt, and after more than two years of rejections, I have lost faith in its readiness. Thank God it occurred to me, finally, to ask for some human help. You can read the whole story here, on the page I'm now calling In Progress. Meanwhile, life has been rich and poignant in equal measure. We are all moved by, but terrified for, the people of Ukraine. Many of us continue to suffer the consequences of the [...]

Battle Scars

2022-01-04T07:39:07-08:00Categories: creative aging, family, featured posts, hiking, nature, travel|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

One month shy of the middle of 2021, I came across a faded sign tacked to a post in front of a ridiculously tall tree. “BATTLE SCARS,” it said at the top. Then, this: “In 1974, I was nearly 300 years old. I’ve seen lots of change in this Forest. See that scar twisting up my trunk. The savage fires of 1888 did that. I’m getting old now, but I still do my share around here. I produce about one ton of oxygen a day. Why, you could breathe for nearly a week on that much. In many ways I am the strength and character of the Forest.” After 15 months of cloistered Covid life, my husband and I were on a glorious June road trip through the West. We met this old tree in Idaho’s Sawtooth National Forest. We’re not young either, but we sure were feeling young at the time—on the road, fully vaccinated, confident that the best of 2021 was yet to come. We hadn’t yet heard much about Delta, let alone Omicron. We didn’t yet know what a “heat dome” was. We were nervous about summer wildfires, as always, but didn’t yet know that by the end of year, more than seven million acres of these United States would burn. Now, as a new year begins, I don’t feel so young anymore. I think I might be about 300 years old. I’m feeling my battle scars. Some of them are so fresh it’s too soon to pull the stitches out. You might [...]

What Will Be Our New Normal?

2021-11-18T08:23:42-08:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, health & medicine, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , |

This fall, 3rd Act Magazine gave me an interesting assignment: to write about what might really be our new normal, as we enter our second pandemic winter and ponder plans for the new year. This time, we have vaccines. But there are plenty of ways in which life is still nothing like whatever our "old normal" used to be. I invite you to read the article, and let me know what you think. How is your new normal taking shape? Until then: Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Yours from the Restless Nest, Ann

Honesty: Good or Bad?

2021-08-30T07:51:38-07:00Categories: faith and doubt, featured posts, health & medicine, hiking, nature, politics, Uncategorized, women's rights, writing|Tags: , , , |

“DISARM!” declares the pink post-it in the back of my journal. It’s been there for a few weeks now, and I can’t seem to throw it away. The note dates from a getaway spent with friends at a borrowed beach cottage. We thought we might be expected to set the alarm at night, and I thought I might be the first one to open the door in the morning. So I put post-its on the door, the coffeepot, and my journal. But then we didn’t set the alarm. We opted instead for open windows and fresh marine air. The word, however, stayed with me. Because I am badly in need of dis-arming. This summer, I have set all kinds of alarms against, well, feeling. Because there’s just too damn much to feel. And for me, along with feeling goes writing anywhere except in my journal. Because when I sit down to write with intent to share, as I am right now, I come up against that timeworn question that is the title of this post. Honesty: good or bad? I’m not talking here about truth versus lies. I’m talking about being honest about how you feel.  About expressing your real feelings versus repressing them. Honesty is good, when I write about how sweet it has felt this summer to be at the beach or in the mountains or forests with family or with friends. Is honesty bad when I write about how worried I am about every place I love, as temperatures spike and wildfires rage [...]

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