August 2026

2026-08-31T07:46:35-07:00Categories: arts, brain, Creative, creative aging, dementia, family, featured posts, nature, politics, travel, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , |

One of my mother’s final paintings, before Alzheimer’s put away her palette and brushes for good, was this lightning-bright landscape. You might think, looking at this picture, that she lived in an old-growth forest. She did not. She lived in Madrona, an old Seattle neighborhood where stately Tudor and Queen Anne homes mix closely, sometimes just a few feet apart, with modest mid-century houses like hers. The best thing about her home was its stunning view: Mt. Rainier to the south, all of the middle Cascade Mountains to the east, and Lake Washington glittering in the foreground. This is one of the few landscapes she painted that stepped beyond reality, putting a forest in the place of rooftops and lighting up the eastern sky with a sunrise that appears to be bursting forth from the heart of a blazing forest fire. She probably painted this in the mid-1990s, before smoke and fire became regular summer visitors to the always-green—or so we thought—Pacific Northwest. Now, in 2026, this painting looks to me like August personified. No muted grays, no misty rain; it is a fiery sky reflected in a dark-edged lake fringed with a forest that is starting to burn.  Oh August. You are the month that used to be the sparkling standout of the Pacific Northwest. Now, you’re like an aging beauty who is becoming ever more fragile. We don’t want you to go. We could easily have said goodbye to November or March. But August? We grieve. And not just for our own idyllic corner [...]

Hope is a Choice

2026-06-23T09:33:02-07:00Categories: featured posts, feminism, film, politics, Seattle, Uncategorized, women's rights|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

“Hope is a choice,” Michelle Obama reminded us last week, at the grand opening of the Obama Presidential Center in Chicago. “Whether or not we use our voices to speak up is a choice. Voting is a choice. Being a decent human being is a choice. Believing that we still hold the power to build a country that reflects us all is a choice.” I am so ready to choose hope. I am so tired of despair and dismay and disgust. If Michelle Obama is offering up hope, I’m all in. Watching her speech, and her husband’s, felt like going home after a very long time away. It felt like feeling better after a miserable flu. It also felt like a happy dream, from which I knew I would be required to wake up and return to reality. But Michelle Obama gave me a parting gift, and she reminded me that I had to choose to accept it: hope. It’s a choice. And it’s not magic: we have to choose to do the work that our hope inspires. Earlier in June, I heard a differently delivered but equally welcome message of hope from another eloquent woman. This one I got to receive in person. "Not only are we going to win, we’re going to win BIG,” said Nancy Pelosi on a big-showers-with-big-sun-breaks Saturday afternoon at Fremont Studios in Seattle. Pelosi’s voice was firm. She waved her arms emphatically. This was not a guess, it was a declaration. Doubt was not allowed. “And the Senate is a [...]

Wow!

2026-05-27T15:20:29-07:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, memoir, reading, travel, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It’s been almost forty years since my husband and I spent an entire month driving around Australia in a yellow station wagon with two British friends. But I can still hear them teasing us about how often we used the same three-letter word, over and over and over.  “Wow!” they would say. “You Americans just can’t stop saying Wow, can you?” They were right. Rustin and I overused Wow like crazy on that trip and on every other trip we’ve ever taken. It’s just so handy. It says so much, depending on how you say it. And it’s always right there, ready to launch, without all that rummaging around in your brain for a more creative alternative. And now I know that we English speakers have been saying “Wow!” for more than five hundred years. Wow. Right? I mean, just, WOW. It was an ESL teacher who casually mentioned this fact to me. I volunteer in her classroom, and I can’t remember who said "Wow!" during class that day. It might have been me. It might have been a reaction to how hard the spelling test words were. Fantasy, reality, and comedy were on the list. Maybe one of the students nailed one of those words on the first try, which would have definitely deserved a good loud Wow. When I got home, I looked up Wow in the online version of the Oxford English Dictionary (free with your library card). Sure enough, the OED identifies the earliest written use of the word in 1513, in a [...]

Creative Bones

2026-02-26T06:00:05-08:00Categories: arts, Creative, creative aging, featured posts, memoir, midlife, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

Acropolis Museum, 2025 “I don’t have a creative bone in my body,” a friend declared recently. Really? Not one? I thought, but didn’t say. Or believe. This was a person who had founded an educational nonprofit because she saw a need and could imagine a way to fill it. To me, that’s pretty creative. But she is also the sister of two musicians. And so she thinks of herself as the one who was born without creative bones. Are musicians, dancers, painters, poets, sculptors, singers, filmmakers, fashion designers, animators, actors, artists and writers of any and every medium the only true creatives? And must their commitment to creativity last from cradle to grave? What about the late bloomers?  It is February, and there is exactly one neon-pink bloom on the Christmas cactus plant in my office. All the other blooms on this decades-old plant got together and put on a tightly choreographed show two months ago: their best in years, right on cue, in mid-December. But not this February outlier. She waited until she had the stage all to herself. Every morning, for the first six weeks of 2026, as I drank coffee, read, wrote and watched the sun rise one minute earlier each day, I kept my eye on the maverick cactus blossom as she grew from a tiny speck at the end of a leaf to a full-throated, hot-pink prima donna. Why did she wait? Why wasn’t she part of the prime-time holiday show? Why do any of us wait? There are [...]

Waking up Grateful

2025-11-24T14:29:53-08:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, film, nature, politics, reading, Seattle, Uncategorized, urban life, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Gray gets old, say the skies of this particular November. Sometimes you’ve just got to splash the sunrise with a bright band of orange and let it melt into a wash of peach and pink. Sometimes you’ve got to just drop everything and put on a show. Which suits my mood because lately, I have been waking up feeling grateful. Big G, little g, every kind of grateful. Why now? In this month, in this city, where the days are getting shorter and darker so rapidly it’s hard to keep up? And yet here I am, bathed in gratitude. For so many things. Here are a few:  The tiny, barely-pink-yet buds on my ancient Christmas cactus, which never ever used to bloom, because I neglected it for about three decades, until one day, about a year ago, when I decided to treat it with the respect it deserved, being so old and still inexplicably alive.  The Cooper’s Hawk who perched on a branch right outside my window for a good long stare-down. He was curling and uncurling his claws. Unsure whether to stay or go. It was like we were having a phone conversation with our eyes, instead of just dashing off a good-morning text. I didn't dare unlock eyes and reach for my camera. This happened days ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Those eyes! All the leaves, gold and orange and red and now mostly gone from our block, but still lighting up the dark spots in the parks and woods. I’ve [...]

Emotional Cardio

2025-09-22T06:12:31-07:00Categories: arts, brain, Creative, creative aging, dementia, family, featured posts, journalism, memoir, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , |

“Some stories punch you right in the gut, then hand you a tissue and say, good luck, kid. That’s what Her Beautiful Brain feels like,” began the email that landed in my inbox as my husband and I were making dinner. The writer of the email went on to summarize Her Beautiful Brain, my memoir which was published eleven years ago, using lavish phrases like, “the way you weave copper mines, Seattle classrooms, Haiti, and a geropsychiatric ward into one narrative… that’s not just writing, that’s emotional cardio.” (Heart emoji, bicep emoji). Is that a compliment? I think so. And what writer doesn’t enjoy receiving compliments from a stranger on a random Thursday evening after a long day? What writer isn’t touched to learn that her book is still reaching people, more than a decade after its publication date? However. A human person did not write this email. AI wrote this email. And I happened to receive it exactly four days after my publisher alerted her authors that many of us may be eligible to join the class-action lawsuit against Anthropic, one of the AI companies that allegedly pirated hundreds of thousands of books to train its large language model (LLM). A $1.5 billion dollar settlement had just been reached. We might all receive a payout of about three thousand dollars. She sent us a link, so we could confirm whether our books were pirated by LibGen (Library Genesis), the source allegedly used by Anthropic. Her Beautiful Brain popped right up. There were other parameters: published [...]

AFOG

2025-07-31T08:30:09-07:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, hiking, human rights, nature, politics, Uncategorized|

One summer night in 2017, I remember standing in our small neighborhood park, talking to a neighbor. We were both on crutches. I’d had foot surgery; she had a broken ankle. Her husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. His prognosis was not good. Meanwhile, we had a new president.        “Well, you know what they say,” she said to me. “Just another AFOG.”  “AFOG?”  “Oh, you don’t know? AFOG: Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth.”  Growth. News flash: we don’t just get old. We grow old. And growth is not painless. “Getting old” is something that just… happens. Such as fading. Or rusting. Or wrinkling. “Growth” takes work. Like a seed pushing a shoot upward towards the light on the other side of the soil. Like the shoot inching its way, for decades, towards becoming a tree. Like a broken bone, healing far more slowly when you’re sixty-something than when you’re six. AFOG. My husband and I started the month of June at a campground on the waterfall-laden Lewis River, southeast of Mt. St. Helens in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest. A century ago, after the brutal Yacolt fires of 1902, the land that became our campground was likely nothing but a ghostly stand of charred timber. Now, the second growth trees are so tall it’s hard to believe they haven’t been standing for hundreds of years. We started the month of July backpacking on the Hoh River trail in the heart of the Olympic National Park, where there are trees of all ages, from [...]

Go Small

2025-03-24T10:00:58-07:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, human rights, immigration, journalism, politics, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

Last week was another punching-bag week, wasn’t it? Maybe you felt like the punching bag, and all you wanted was for the punches, aka the big ugly news alerts, to stop. Or maybe you needed to go find an actual punching bag and start punching. Or maybe it was the small stuff—your phone froze, the light rail was delayed, a muscle ache popped up somewhere you didn’t even know there was a muscle—all of which you could normally handle, if you hadn’t just been hit with another outrageous announcement from the White House. Or maybe, as happened in my neighborhood one morning, you heard gunshots that were way too loud, aka way too close for comfort, though no one was injured, thank God; probably it was somebody wanting to scare somebody else, without thinking about the kids out waiting for school buses. My first instinct, as always, was to want to move, immediately. To another neighborhood. Or Canada. But it’s been four days now, and I’ve calmed down. Sort of. This is not just the usual gun-loving America, it’s Trump’s America: the guns aren’t going anywhere. And unfortunately, neither is Trump. And it seems he still has a long way to go on his punch list, as builders like to call their project to-do list, though in his case it’s a punch list for un-building. Dismantling. Destroying. What can one person do? I keep asking myself. Very little, it seems. Very little. But little is not nothing. If we all keep doing whatever very little things [...]

Look Up

2025-03-22T15:39:04-07:00Categories: family, featured posts, nature, politics, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , |

(Glacier Peak) Feeling lousy? Look up. Literally. Preferably at the sky. But it works indoors, too, especially if you’ve been frozen in a head-down position looking at your phone or tablet, taking in the news. Set the device down. Look out the window. Look at a picture on your wall—ideally at eye level or higher—of someplace or someone or some bit of art that you love. Can you feel your mood change?  I remember hearing about the power of looking up from my brother-in-law, who is a high school teacher. This was several years ago (maybe he or one of his colleagues had come across this 2016 article in Psychology Today by research psychologist Colin Ellard), and I am always grateful when I remember this little trick, because it works. And we are going to need every little trick we can think of for the next four years.  A few weeks ago, my good friend Anne (with an E, unlike me) had eye surgery to repair a hole in her macula. I stayed with her for the first few days, as she got acclimated to the strict rules she had to follow for five full days after the surgery. The most important part of this regime was to keep her head in a downward-facing position for 50 out of every 60 waking minutes. She rented a massage table and a massage chair. The chair turned out to be more comfortable. But even when she got up for those few allowed minutes per hour, she [...]

When in Rome

2024-12-11T07:38:17-08:00Categories: arts, featured posts, midlife, politics, travel, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , |

Do as the Romans do. Walk miles every day over the black cobblestones, over the layers of history hidden beneath them. Eat pizza and pasta and gelati. Drink espresso and wine and big blowsy Aperol spritzes. While you’re sipping, listen to your husband read to you about Caravaggio, whose studio was a stone’s throw from where you’re sitting. When in Rome, do not tear your hair and rend your clothing over the American election. Has a single Italian person asked you about it? No, not a one. Is the sun bathing the white ramparts of the Vittorio Emmanuel II monument? Yes, it is. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Look up that sentence, and you’ll find that it’s an expression that dates from the fourth century AD. And what a useful one it is, especially when you’re actually in Rome, as Rustin and I were, two weeks after the November election.  When we were planning this trip, we had dared to hope that we’d be in a celebratory state of mind. Al contrario. As we dragged our roller-bags to the light rail station, at 4:45 on a Tuesday morning exactly two weeks after Election Day, I felt like we were fleeing the scene of a massive explosion: deafened, bruised, glass and debris still embedded in our skin and hair; all we wanted was to get away from the smoke and sludge. I felt like I ought to feel guilty, because surely we should’ve been pitching in, getting people to safety, not flying off to [...]

Still

2023-09-25T07:35:20-07:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, memoir, Seattle, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , |

   The nectarine blush of evening on Mt. Rainier still makes me shake my head in wonder. A stroll through the Pike Place Market still cheers me up, no matter how crowded it is, because the presence of lots of happy tourists means our city’s beloved market is still thriving. The Chinook salmon are still thronging up the ladder at the Ballard Locks, a fact I’m happy to report after my first visit in about twenty years. And I’m still a fan of the word still. Some people think it’s a negative word, that it implies that the opposite is more likely. Still running, at your age? Good for you!  But more often, for me, it’s a word that connotes a moment of savoring. Marveling. At something that happens night after night (sunset glow on Rainier) and is still worth stopping to take in. At something that is still true (the Market is a mood-lifter) no matter how much downtown Seattle has changed, or I have changed, since my last meander through the stalls.  At something that brilliant engineers built long ago (the fish ladder at the Locks), that is still getting salmon back to their streams to spawn. Salmon know the power of home. And so do we. This year, I feel like my connection to my hometown—Seattle—is not just still strong, it’s stronger. Maybe because I’ve been doing a bit of roots research and learning fun facts such as this one: Turns out my Norwegian great-grandfather lived out his final decade or two in [...]

Uncanny

2023-08-25T07:59:26-07:00Categories: arts, Creative, featured posts, hiking, nature, reading, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , |

I have never written a ghost story. I’ve never wanted to write a ghost story. So what uncanny wind was it that blew through my brain and compelled me to sign up for a week-long workshop titled “The Ghost Story: A Guide to Writing Compelling Prose?” Baker City, Oregon It all began on a slushy March evening in Enterprise, Oregon. My husband and I were just beginning a two-week road trip, meandering our way through places where he could film small-town cinemas of the West for a documentary project. We were off to a wintry start, on this first day of Spring, here at the edge of the Wallowa Mountains. I’d spotted a poster for a talk that evening hosted by Fishtrap, a nonprofit known for its annual Summer Gathering of Writers at nearby Wallowa Lake. Why not go, on this chilly night? The speaker was Molly Gloss, author of The Jump-off Creek, The Hearts of Horses, and other books and stories about women in the homestead-era West. Her knowledge of writing about and by western women is wide and deep. I scribbled notes like “...the real and changing West of Model-T Fords, movies and Prohibition” and “...the shadow of violence.” That night, I began reading The Jump-off Creek, a book steeped in cold hard daily life on a hardscrabble farm. No ghosts in sight. By the time we left Enterprise, I knew what I wanted to do: I wanted to go to the Fishtrap Summer Gathering and meet other western writers and get [...]

Sixty-six

2023-02-14T16:33:28-08:00Categories: brain, creative aging, dementia, featured posts, health & medicine, memoir, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , |

“Good evening,” said a silver-haired woman in creamy linen, as she floated past me with her dapper husband towards the veranda of the El Mirador restaurant. They had a dinner reservation; several waiters hurried to greet and seat them. Another waiter, just as gracious, seated my husband and me with the slightly reduced amount of pomp accorded to the drinks-only crowd. But every table at El Mirador was positioned to take in the show: sunset over the Pacific Ocean, high above the curvaceous Baja coast, backed by a chorus line of frilly clouds and kicked off by a surprise opening act: one  spouting whale. We sipped our drinks and savored our appetizer, a burrata and roasted tomato mélange almost too pretty to eat. We snapped photos, along with everyone else, and marveled that this elegant place existed, at the end of a dusty, bumpy, unpaved road. Sunset. How we humans love it! The young woman in satin pants and an off-the-shoulder, pink maribou sweater, the mom in shorts with a wiggly seven-year-old, the glamorous  older couple, the table full of young men who looked like they might’ve flown in that day from Silicon Valley. We gasp at the sun’s grand finale, we toast it, we take photos and then sigh that they don’t do it justice. And yet: if our lives were a day, sunset is not where we would choose to be. And yet: wouldn’t you rather dwell in the sunset, than go right from noon to midnight? Am I really embarking on “an old [...]

Solstice

2022-12-22T10:30:48-08:00Categories: creative aging, dementia, family, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , |

Is it the shortest day, or the longest day? The sixteen waking hours of a day can feel mighty long, when half of them are fully dark. For those of us whose body clocks get us up early, like it or not, light or not, a big slice of our waking darkness happens in the morning. I am in that lucky phase of life when I can do exactly as I wish with those hours, and I do. I get up—5, 5:30, 6—and make coffee, which I take up to the chaise that was my grandmother’s, to where it now rests on the third floor of our skinny house, next to a tall window overlooking a small park dominated by trees: oak and ash and evergreen. In the winter, when the branches of the oak and ash trees are bare, Mt. Rainier steals the window-scene on every clear day, especially at sunrise. I sip. I read. I meditate, with a small m. And on this morning after the Solstice, I think of my mother, as I set out the Longest Day votive I received in the mail from the Alzheimer’s Association. I think of what a bright light she was, at this time of year, concocting Christmas for six children, making the magic happen and allowing us to take it all for granted, long after we knew that Santa was not a guy in a red suit, but our mom, in her quilted aqua-blue bathrobe. Long into her untimely Alzheimer’s years, she still loved Christmas. Still [...]

Fallow

2022-09-02T12:03:58-07:00Categories: brain, creative aging, featured posts, memoir, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

The trick, we both knew, was not to think too hard. My husband and I dropped our towels. We ran right in, like five-year-olds, and dunked under the waves, like clumsy grownups. We stumbled out, wet and cold and laughing.  One plunge was enough. This was the Washington coast, out where the Pacific Ocean rolls in all the way from Japan and smashes the sand so hard an intact seashell is hard to find, where the snowy rivers of the Olympic Mountains pour right into the surf. One plunge was enough to make me feel—newborn. Like the ocean had just washed away all the bullshit I’d allowed to build up in my mind and body and self and soul over the past two and a half years. All the piling on of the world’s problems, the ones none of us can solve though we know we have to try because some progress is better than none. All the sorrows, universal and personal, that Covid has brought. And, for me, all the anguish of feeling frozen, as a writer, after I hit pause on the Book That Apparently Wasn’t Working and then realized I hadn’t hoarded quite enough confidence to get going on my next project. We plunged into the ocean again the next day. Later that week, my daughter and I took a plunge in the coldest part of Hood Canal. Since we got back to Seattle, I’ve gone swimming six times. Every time, I relive that baptismal moment on the Washington coast. Every time, I feel [...]

What Will Be Our New Normal?

2021-11-18T08:23:42-08:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, health & medicine, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , |

This fall, 3rd Act Magazine gave me an interesting assignment: to write about what might really be our new normal, as we enter our second pandemic winter and ponder plans for the new year. This time, we have vaccines. But there are plenty of ways in which life is still nothing like whatever our "old normal" used to be. I invite you to read the article, and let me know what you think. How is your new normal taking shape? Until then: Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Yours from the Restless Nest, Ann

Helplessly Hoping

2021-10-23T13:27:26-07:00Categories: faith and doubt, health & medicine, memoir, Uncategorized, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , |

“What if I forget what I learned? And what if I can’t learn to hope again?” author Kate Bowler asks her psychologist. It is a climactic moment in No Cure For Being Human (And Other Truths I Need to Hear), her second memoir since she was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer at 35. After innumerable surgeries and therapies—chemo, immuno, radiation—Bowler, a professor at Duke Divinity School, has outlived, several times over, her initial prognosis of one year. In the scene with her psychologist, she wants to know if planning a party for her 40th birthday might be a good first step towards learning to hope again. Her oncologist describes her as being in a “durable remission.” Bowler, now 41, would  add that she is someone who is adamantly not a believer that her remarkable remission has to do with the power of positive thinking. She’s met far too many people in the past six years whose cancers killed them, despite all their efforts to think positively. Instead, you might call Bowler a believer in an informed, grateful, cautious kind of hope. But she’s still not used to it. In the early, stunned months after her diagnosis, she writes that “suspended painfully in the present, I had been able to use my fears to see more clearly. I knew what to love. I knew who to love. I found moments of enoughness without the promise of more.” She treasured every minute with her family, especially her very young son. To put it in the biblical language [...]

Honesty: Good or Bad?

2021-08-30T07:51:38-07:00Categories: faith and doubt, featured posts, health & medicine, hiking, nature, politics, Uncategorized, women's rights, writing|Tags: , , , |

“DISARM!” declares the pink post-it in the back of my journal. It’s been there for a few weeks now, and I can’t seem to throw it away. The note dates from a getaway spent with friends at a borrowed beach cottage. We thought we might be expected to set the alarm at night, and I thought I might be the first one to open the door in the morning. So I put post-its on the door, the coffeepot, and my journal. But then we didn’t set the alarm. We opted instead for open windows and fresh marine air. The word, however, stayed with me. Because I am badly in need of dis-arming. This summer, I have set all kinds of alarms against, well, feeling. Because there’s just too damn much to feel. And for me, along with feeling goes writing anywhere except in my journal. Because when I sit down to write with intent to share, as I am right now, I come up against that timeworn question that is the title of this post. Honesty: good or bad? I’m not talking here about truth versus lies. I’m talking about being honest about how you feel.  About expressing your real feelings versus repressing them. Honesty is good, when I write about how sweet it has felt this summer to be at the beach or in the mountains or forests with family or with friends. Is honesty bad when I write about how worried I am about every place I love, as temperatures spike and wildfires rage [...]

April Come

2021-04-28T14:18:16-07:00Categories: creative aging, faith and doubt, family, featured posts, hiking, memoir, nature, parenting, quiet, Seattle, Uncategorized, urban life, writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

“April come!” our daughter Claire used to plead at bedtime. Her favorite lullaby was Simon & Garfunkel’s classic, “April Come She Will.” But the pleading was play-acting: she knew her father loved nothing more than to sing that song to her and her baby brother Nick. This morning, my husband teared up as he read Robin Wall Kimmerer’s poignant account in Braiding Sweetgrass of taking her daughter off to college. He and I laughed as we recalled our own last manic trip from Claire’s dorm room to Target for hangers—the only remaining little something we could think of to do before we would have to say goodbye. Three years later, we did it all again when it was Nick's turn. I read Kimmerer’s book a few months ago, and loved it, and so it made me happy that Rustin was loving it too. And remembering that long-ago college move-in day—can it really be nearly 14 years?!—was a moment of April sweetness, one of so many in this showery, sunny month, when streams are ripe and swelled with rain; this moment of the year that is bursting with newborn life every which way you look. On one morning walk in the scrap of forest that backs my urban neighborhood, I saw this. And this. And this.  And yet. I am still so quick to brood (that editor hasn’t gotten back to me) and fuss (why is my stupid Zoom suddenly going choppy?!) and whine (wish I could… wish I could… wish I could…) And yet. I got [...]

365 Days

2021-01-18T18:12:50-08:00Categories: creative aging, featured posts, feminism, human rights, midlife, politics, Seattle, travel, Uncategorized, urban life, women's rights|Tags: , , , , , , |

365 days ago, I celebrated my 63rd birthday in California with close friends. We marched in the 2020 Oakland women’s march, shouting with and talking to many total strangers, and admiring everyone’s signs. We dined out at a brewpub for lunch and an Italian restaurant for dinner. There was a stop for oysters somewhere in there too. In case we might still be hungry, my friends had hidden a selection of fancy birthday desserts in the back of the fridge. Wow. Though I had just returned from a long trip to Mexico, I thought nothing of hopping a flight from Seattle to Oakland for that weekend. My husband had been sick with a strange and  terrible flu through the last several days of the trip. There were a few days he couldn’t get out of bed. Not like him, at all. There were other days he couldn’t stop coughing. He was finally on the mend, but we had both been shocked by how hard this illness hit him. I know what you’re thinking. And… we’ll never know, though he recently donated blood and the Covid-19 antibody test came back negative. But back to my 2020 birthday weekend. I’d really like to dwell on it some more. There was a long afternoon at the SF MoMA. There was another afternoon of walking all over the UC Berkeley Campus. There was talk, so much talk: my friends and I worried together about whether Trump could be defeated, and if so, which candidate had the best chance. Harris? Warren? [...]

Birds, Ballots, Barrett

2021-03-31T11:06:16-07:00Categories: faith and doubt, featured posts, feminism, hiking, memoir, nature, politics, reading, Uncategorized, women's rights|Tags: , , , , , |

I once visited a bird hide (or blind, as we call them in North America) in the wet, windswept fens of East Anglia, far to the northeast of London. That is all. Please forgive me, birders of the world; I remember nothing, at least nothing that has to do with birds. I was 19, and a newly arrived exchange student at the University of East Anglia, whose concrete, mid-1960s buildings resemble oversized bird hides. UEA is on the outskirts of Norwich, which is still the lively market town it was when William the Conqueror built his castle there a thousand years ago. I loved Norwich, but I was always game for an excursion. Bird-watching: why not? That faded memory tugged at me through all 458 pages of Helen Macdonald’s book of essays, Vesper Flights. My acquaintance with the young man who invited me to the bird hide was so fleeting that I can only remember a bit of what he looked like: droopy mustache, watch cap, wellies. A sweet smile. Not actually a UEA student; I met him at a party. When I told my cross-the-hall friend Bridget about his invitation, she decided she and her boyfriend Chris would go birding too. They would drive me, and we would meet my new friend there. So off we went in Chris’ Morris Mini, across the low-slung fens, to a long, equally low-slung wooden shack that blended right into the landscape, which of course was the point. My birder friend waved at us. “Hi!” I shouted happily. He [...]

Pandemic Mountain

2020-08-30T16:45:22-07:00Categories: featured posts, hiking, politics, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , |

In the middle of this pandemic summer, in a tent on a ridge just a stone’s throw from Mt. Baker, my husband and I woke in the wee hours to the sound of two young voices, chatting away, getting closer and louder every second. We could see their headlamps bobbing like a pair of fireflies as they hiked towards us, up the steep trail known as the Railroad Grade route to the Mt. Baker climbers’ basecamp. Our tent was just a few feet off the trail. We’d left the rainfly off: on this silky July night, we needed nothing between us and the starry sky but the tent’s inner mosquito-net shell. We hadn’t seen anyone else for hours. But here they came at 1:40 a.m., these two young men, hiking with headlamps, ready to climb Mt. Baker. They must’ve left the trailhead around midnight. They were nearly on top of us when they finally saw our tent and lowered their voices a little. We pretended to be asleep. They walked on by. We watched their lights bob out of sight. It took us both a while to get back to sleep. But there had been something so happy and cozy about their camaraderie, in the wee hours, that I felt lucky to have heard it. I don’t remember a word they said, only that they were animated and buoyant, as if their packs full of climbing gear weighed nothing. As if they were waterskiing uphill. It was like hearing voices from the past: from that innocent [...]

Pandemic Mirror

2020-06-30T16:28:53-07:00Categories: brain, creative aging, family, featured posts, health & medicine, memoir, midlife, quiet, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , |

“When did my hair get so long?” I ask myself, as I look in the mirror. “And I look so  OLD!” I am 63. We are winding up Month Four of the pandemic. No. I’m not 63. I am seven, and I am winding up two weeks of being home sick with the mumps. I’m standing in front of the full-length mirror that hangs inside my parents’ bedroom closet door. When the door is open, there is plenty of light on the mirror, so it’s ideal for getting a good look at yourself, which I haven’t done in many days. One of my cheeks is puffed out like a popover. But almost more fascinating to seven-year-old me is how long my hair looks. Can it have grown so much since I last took a look at myself? I am also admiring my new pale blue, pearl-buttoned bathrobe, with its fake-fur collar. How did I, the third of six children (five at the time), acquire such a fancy robe? Was it a gift from my elegant grandmother, given to me because I had the mumps? Was I the only one of us who had the mumps? I don’t remember. What I do remember is what a novelty it was to look in the mirror and see only me: my brother and sisters were at school; my baby brother was taking a nap, or maybe he was with Grandma. And I didn’t look like me, pre-mumps. Never mind the puffy cheek: this was the second one to pop [...]

Use Your Fear

2020-03-31T09:28:21-07:00Categories: faith and doubt, family, featured posts, health & medicine, nature, Seattle, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , |

“Want to hear what our resident coyotes sound like?” read the headline in our south Seattle neighborhood’s Nextdoor Digest email. You bet I do, I thought. Anything to distract me from the latest coronavirus news. I clicked play. Do you know the sound? It’s not haunting in an old Western movie way; it’s more like something out of a horror film; like the screeches that slice along with the killer’s kitchen knife in Psycho. I want to play it again right now, so I can do a better job of describing it, but actually I… don’t want to. What I’ve heard from neighbors is that we have exactly two resident coyotes in our local greenbelt. But the noise they make sounds like a screaming chorus of two dozen starving dogs, ready to hunt now. And here’s what I didn’t think about when I pressed play and the coyotes started howling from my computer speakers: our cat was in the room. The second he heard that noise, he leaped straight up from a sound sleep into his maximum-alert posture, which he maintained for several minutes as he scanned the neighborhood from our upstairs window, his eyes darting like an air traffic controller’s. I tried to soothe him, but he would have none of it. Did I not understand that his life was at stake?! Finally, satisfied that the danger was past, he curled up and went right back to sleep. He knows how to use his fear, I thought. Danger at hand? Be maximum-alert. Get an immediate [...]

Veracruz

2020-01-15T09:06:20-08:00Categories: featured posts, memoir, midlife, travel, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , |

We welcomed in the 2020s in the Mexican port city of Veracruz, where even the restroom signs can’t stop dancing. Rustin and I arrived on December 28th, thinking it might be quiet for a few days before New Year’s festivities kicked into full swing. Quiet would have been fine with us: we’d been traveling for two weeks and we had a few things to get over, including illness (Rus’s flu) and theft (my phone.) But quiet, in Veracruz? De lo contrario.  On our first short walk—from our hotel overlooking the historic heart of the city, the Zocalo, over to the lively waterfront—we passed two small troupes of folk dancers in flowing white who had set up their wooden platforms on two different street corners, turned on their boom boxes, and commenced to dance. I can’t think of them now without smiling, because they radiated such joy. Crowds were also forming around a capoeira-style breakdancing group. By the time we circled back to the Zocalo, roving bands—mariachi, marimba, ranchero—were working the outdoor bars. Meanwhile, people were thronging in the direction of the main street. A parade was coming, someone told us. We darted across the cordoned avenue to the Bar El Estribo, on the block-long veranda of the stately Gran Hotel Diligencias. Our waiter said the coming parade was called Papaqui and that it would be a sort of mini-Mardi Gras parade, a preview of Carnaval, which is huge in Veracruz. He explained that it was always held on this day, the Dia de los Inocentes, so [...]

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